A couple of months ago I got a new CD. There was this one song that nearly made me cry the first time I listened to it. And I just had this very intense feeling while listening to it, I could relate on so many levels. Even though, most of the things in the lyrics had nothing in common with my life. But the following lines resonated with me on so many levels:
“You know I had to let you go. If you love me let me fly this isn’t goodbye but if you love me let me go. I think about you all the time I’ll never say goodbye, goodbye.”
I think I finally know the reason now.
I love my family, more than anything in the world, but you don’t choose the family you were born into, and the people you are related to, might not be the ones who understand you, who support you no matter what. They might be the ones trying to make you something you’re not. Try to turn you into who they want you to be instead of who you are. I get support from my family, but it’s conditional support, as long as I do what they want or think is valuable they’ll help me out however they can but as soon as I make a decision they don’t support, they put the pressure on to try to make me do what they want and think is the smart choice, instead of what I feel is right for me.
I love my family, I will always be there for my family when they need me, that will never change no matter what. I owe so much to them and they are my family and always will be. But they are not the people I confide in or share my dreams or plans with, not the ones I know they won’t approve of or understand. It is time for me to put some distance between me and them to be able to be who I am, who I want to be. To be able to breathe and spend my time and energy on things and people that are good for me. That support me unconditionally and cheer me on, instead of dragging me down.
I need to do what is best for me now. I hope one day my family will understand and see why I chose to go down the route I’m currently on. That this is the right choice for me. I just wished they’d understand that they don’t need to understand my choice, I’d just need them to trust me, believe in me and respect my choices. Instead of giving unsolicited advice and trying to talk me out of something I know is right for me.
No one can live your life for you and no one knows what the right choice for you is but you. Do what feels right to you, don’t let other people keep you from living the life that is right for you. It’s your life and you only have one. Your priorities might not be the same as other people’s and no one might understand your choices, but that’s okay, as long as you know exactly why you are making them, and they feel right for you.
The song is “Let me go” by Tom MacDonald and Adam Calhoun feat. Nova Rockafeller if anyone wonders. It’s a beautiful song and worth checking out.