Sometimes I feel too much

Sometimes I worry that I’ve grown cold, that I’m no longer capable of feeling sorrow at horrible events that are happening all the time all around the world. I feel like I’ve been desensitized, or I don’t know… I think a lot of people would assume I don’t care when they hear some of the things I say. And there are moments when I can almost believe them. And that has me wondering. 

But every once in a while, something happens that makes me realize that no, I’m not growing cold, I’m not desensitized, and I still care about all the horrors that are happening to strangers on this planet. It is simply that I needed to build a wall to make sure I won’t crumble under the anguish and the pain I feel whenever I read about some terrible fate someone has. It’s a survival mechanism because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to function anymore. Sometimes it really sucks to be an empath to feel what other people feel and to take on their pain as if it were your own. And the worst part is that you can’t really control it. You just feel it to the full extend or you shut all of your emotions down and only use your mind to look at it rationally and come over as cold and uncaring. 

At to that an understanding of what is going on in the world, how people are being used to full fill some agenda makes it all the more difficult. 

I could cry for every injustice that is being done to people, but the problem there is that I would never be able to stop crying. So, I rarely do. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel sadness or pain or don’t feel compassion towards those people, it simply means that I can’t let myself be consumed by those feelings and that means I need to protect myself by using my head instead of my heart. It doesn’t always work though. 

And I don’t know why I just shared that with you. It’s more a self-analysis than anything else. But I haven’t posted in a while again and I wanted to write something. Things are still weird. I’m sorry I’m still not posting more regularly. I want to but I don’t know… 

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